Derek's Feelings
by jennatastic
Summary: Just chapter 8 of the Reckoning in Derek's point of view. TWO-SHOT for now. :D
1. in the woods

**I dont own darkest powers. **

I took a deep breath and walked a little farther away from the house, fallen leaves crunching beneath my feet. I couldn't sleep. I peered at the rising sun, thinking of just running away from everything - the Edison group, Andrew, Chloe. But it wouldn't be fair. I knew they needed me, without me everything would fall apart. Plus how would I live with myself if something were to happen to anyone? _Especially Chloe_

It was nice to be finally alone with my thoughts, without Simon asking what's up with me, without Chloe worrying if I'm alright, without Andrew eyeballing me nervously and without Tori watching me with disgust.  
I knew the forest wasn't exactly the safest place to be, but I figured if anything happened to attack me I could fight it off. _and even if i couldn't maybe it would be for the better_.  
I thought about Chloe and her little face, her wide blue eyes and her fragile little body. I was reminded of her hands rubbing my back during my changes and yearned in a frightening way for her hands to touch me in such a comforting way again. I shivered, although I wasn't the least bit cold.

"Derek? "A voice called in the distance, one that I recognized immediately. I turned around and faced the house. I waited a few seconds and heard no other calls. I scolded myself quietly, as if dreaming and thinking about her weren't enough, now I was hearing her too. I tried to clear my head.

"Derek? Are you out here?" The same sweet voice called again. I wheeled around, stepping on a branch and paused again. I heard hurried clumsy footsteps approaching. It was her, I knew it was - but it wasn't safe out here for her. It was still dark out, and dangerous. What if I wasn't out here? What if it was a trap that she so willingly walked into? I paused and wished that she would leave me alone, go back upstairs into her safe, warm bed. The wolf inside willed me forward and another branch snapped. I cursed silently under my breath.

"Derek? It's me" She stepped towards where I was hiding. She smelt like soap and old clothes and Chloe. I allowed myself to breathe her in. For a second my head swam with pure Chloe. I stuck my head out from behind a tree to see her. She squinted in the darkness, trying to see. She looked vulnerable and silly and afraid. I couldn't stand it; she wouldn't last 5 seconds if this have been a trap "Derek?"

I slithered out from behind the tree and walked towards her ready to scold her.  
"I—" she began but I cut her off.

"What the hell are you doing, Chloe?" _you could have got killed, you could have got taken away, what would I do then? _I breathed deeply trying to calm myself, realizing I had no idea why she wasn't in her bed in the first place. "I said we'd come out here later and try to contact that ghost. Key word? We. If you're here –"

Chloe lifted her hands up in surrender. "Okay, you caught me. I was sneaking out on my own, hoping no one would notice. That's why I've been calling your name." I opened my mouth to argue but she did have a point, she continued. "I had another early encounter in my room and thought, after yesterday, I'd better get backup. Tori and Simon are sleeping, but you're up, so I was looking for you."

"Oh" I said, a little stunned. I wondered how she knew that I was awake, I didn't want to ask. I rubbed my hand over my mouth and chin "Sorry"

"Are you changing?" She asked abruptly with wide eyes.

"Hmm?" I wondered for a second why she cared so much. I wasn't about to get my hopes up though and guess it was because she liked me or something. "Nah I would have come to get you if I was." She looked unsure but she smiled a bit.

"Good. These days, the buddy system is a smart idea for both of us." She wheeled around, her hair flipping off her shoulder. I walked up beside her and we began to walk back to the house together. The path was narrow and the breeze kept blowing her smell towards me. She smelt so comfortable. A few times I unconsciously reached out and touched her. I kept pulling back my hand embarrassed. I wanted so much to gather her up in my arms and pull her to me. I saw that the path up ahead was even thinner and I would have to walk pushed up against her or trudge through the mud. I wasn't sure if I could handle either, or even if she wanted me so close to her so I mumbled that I would be behind her and let her go ahead of me.  
We reached the house. I suddenly felt very nervous, I had nothing to say. We stood in silence for a few seconds until I coughed. She looked up at me.

"So what were you doing? Early morning hike?" I realized it must have been strange to her that I was out here, it was very early. She had seen another ghost and that was her reason for coming to find me but I didn't really have a reason. _Or I didnt have a reason that I could share with her._ I couldn't sleep, and my mind was racing. I was thinking of what would happen next, how dangerous I was, the Edison group, being a monster and her. I thought about my feelings towards her and how they were changing into something unfamiliar. I tried to push everything out of my mind.

"Looking around. Just... restless." I sighed watching Chloe's hair blow in the breeze. It looked soft, I wanted to reach out and touch it.

"Something bothering you?" she asked turning to face me. She was so close to me, it would be so easy to just gather her into my arms. To pick her up and run with her, far far away and then live happily ever after, unfortunately life doesn't work like that.

"Nah" I paused thinking, then decided she could probably read it in my face that I was lying. "Yeah. I couldn't sleep so I went up on the roof and thought I saw something down here. A light in the woods. I couldn't find anything though." Although I was still lying, it seemed a lot more reasonable.  
I dared myself to look down at her, and sure enough she believed me. She looked empathetic. _And cute._ She bit her lip and peered at me through her eyelashes. I thought about Simon, and Simon and Chloe holding hands. I looked back into the forest, wanting desperately to be alone again. I resorted to keeping my fingers busy tapping my thigh for Simon's sake, distracting my hands from doing something I would regret.

"You want to keep looking?" Chloe asked. I avoided looking at her and looked at the ground instead.

"Yeah" I thought about being alone with Chloe in the forest and added "Maybe"

"I'll leave you to it, then" She said and twirled around. _No no no that's not what I meant. I want to be with you. please don't go._

"No" I said quickly reaching to grab her. I suddenly didn't want to be alone; I didn't want to go back into the forest and dream about being with her when I could simply BE with her. I stopped my hand from touching her before it did. I froze like that, my arm outstretched. I looked at my arm confused because I thought I wanted to be alone, but now I just wanted her. I was looking at my arm like it betrayed me. I dropped my hand embarrassed, I was thankful it was still a little dark outside because I'm sure I was blushing. "I mean, if you're tired, sure. But you don't have to."

She turned around back to me "okay"

I nodded then we stood there in silence. I mindlessly rubbed the back of my neck and rolled my shoulders, hating the feeling of wanting something I could never have. I realized she was waiting for me to say something. "So, uh, you said something about a ghost?"

"Right" she said and then quietly told me what happened. I nodded and silently listened the whole time, although I wasn't paying full attention. I was watching the way her shoulders moved when she talked and the way her chest rose and fell with every breath.

"You okay?" I asked when she was finished.

"Spooked, but sure, I'm fine." She didn't look fine but I didn't say anything. "So did you find anything last night when you searched the house?"  
I shook my head, thinking about last night. Chloe should have been with me, instead of Simon and Tori. I shook off the thought.

"I tried getting into the basement, but it was locked. There should be a key somewhere."

"Old-fashioned lock, needing an old-fashioned key?"

"Yeah, how…?"

"You and Simon need to communicate better. He's already found it" I bristled at the mention of Simon's name. She was right, me and Simon weren't talking as much anymore, and it was my fault. "Well, a key anyway. We should see if it works before everyone else gets up."

I nodded and we started walking back to the door. It opened while we were just a few strides away. Andrew popped his head out, frowning. He looked at Chloe and back to me and I knew what he was implying. I stood there looking back at him straight in the eye. _  
__What are you doing with her? _His gaze implied. _Your dangerous. You could hurt her. __  
_I stepped backwards, feeling very unwelcome. I used to know Andrew, but now he was a whole different person. Or was it me that changed?

I watched as Chloe looked defiantly back at Andrew."Getting warmer out" She said "Might even see the sun today"  
Andrew gave the same disappointed gaze back.

"Hope so" His expression didn't change one bit.  
I grunted in agreement, wishing I was back in the forest alone again.

"Are the others up?" Chloe asked trying to make conversation. "They were dead to the world when we left."

"Not yet. I was about to make breakfast when I noticed the back door open"

"I figured we shouldn't close it," Chloe said smoothly "You probably want to know where we are, right?"  
He nodded although he didn't look convinced. He waved us through the door. Chloe watched him frowning for a second before hurrying off into the kitchen. Andrew gave me a stare that interpreted something along the lines of _leave her alone_. I almost let myself growl at him for implying I would hurt Chloe. I didn't want to do anything to her but protect her. _And hold her. _I took a deep breath and pushed past him to go upstairs for a shower.


	2. derek eavedrops

**I dont actually imagine this happens, BUT people have been asking me to continue. _Special thanks to Ashley on Facebook for suggesting this !!_**  
**SO HERE YOU GO :) Derek eavedrops on the conversation Andrew and Chloe have in chapter 8.**

**I dont own darkest powers.**

I took the stairs two at a time and didn't bother to quiet the loud angry thumps of my footsteps as I passed Simon's and Tori's rooms. I hoped perhaps one of them would wake up so Chloe didn't have to be alone with Andrew downstairs. He was an old friend of my dad –and an old friend of mine- but something just didn't feel right about him now. Something felt different. Thinking about Andrew made my muscles tense. I remembered the way he hung back looking at me with fear in my eyes. I wasn't anyone different from the boy he once knew; I was the same old Derek – just bigger. I remember Andrew watching me warily out of the corner of his eye on the way to the safe house, thinking I didn't notice. I did of course. I knew he didn't trust me, so why should I trust him? Thinking about Andrew all alone with Chloe made me upset, I wanted to go back down there and steal Chloe away from him. She would be the most safe with me I know, but unfortunately I'd already stormed off and I couldn't just go down there and change my mind. Waking up Simon or Tori was the next best thing I figured. I stomped a couple more times for good measure as I walked to the end of the hallway. I sighed loudly and unclenched my jaw. I stepped into the bathroom and shut the door noisily.

After I had turned on the water and gotten undressed, I realized that there were no clean towels in the bathroom. I cursed silently. The towels were on the main floor, in a closet right at the bottom of the stairs. I threw on my jeans and a shirt and slithered down the stairs, leaving the water running. When I reached the bottom I strained my ears to hear Chloe or Andrew. I didn't hear much, but it sounded like they were talking about movies and books. I rounded the corner to the closet and threw open the closet door. I grabbed a towel right away pausing to hear Andrew ask Chloe how she liked her eggs done. I was reassured in a way because Chloe's tone was cheerful and comfortable when she replied. I started padding back up the stairs pausing to listen once more just in case. I froze when I heard my name. Why would they be talking about me? Curiosity got the better of me, and I retreated down the stairs silently. They didn't know I was there of course, they thought I was in the shower.

I started listening, feeling only slightly bad. "…told me years ago that there's one thing you always need to remember when dealing with a werewolf. " _Ah so they are talking about me._"They may look like you and me, but they aren't. They're only half human." Andrew said with warning and something else in his tone. I clenched my teeth and listened for Chloe.

"And half monster?" she asked carefully. I thought I heard something cool and sarcastic in her voice, but she almost sounded curious.

"No, half wolf." _Yes like that's much better _I thought angrily. He didn't think I was a monster. Just a wild animal.

"Derek's dad raised him to understand that." Chloe pointed out, the cool and sarcastic tone gone out of her voice.

"I'm sure Kit did, but… To Kit, Derek is his son, as much as Simon. There are things parents gloss over for their children." He was right, of course. Dad didn't know how much of an animal I was. He treated me like a normal human boy and taught me how to avoid my wolfy habits. "Being half wolf doesn't just make Derek a little different. Half of him is an animal ruled by instinct. There are some instincts…" Andrew paused and cleared his throat. My muscles became tense again, my hands curling into fists. I closed my eyes and leaned against the wall. Of course everything he was saying was true. I was a monster, a wolf, someone – something – inhumane. I was dangerous. I wanted to leave again, I didn't want to hear anymore. I was sick of hearing. I knew what I was, I didn't need to be reminded again. But yet, I couldn't move. I was frozen in place, my forehead still against the wall, my hands still in fists. "…Derek seems very attached to you, Chloe." My eyes opened wide. I blinked rapidly. I was surprised. I could feel blood pumping inside of me_. _Andrew was right in some ways, I was attached to Chloe but not because I was an animal. Because I was human._ But how did Andrew know?_

Chloe laughed, it was a small laugh but painful enough. I felt my heart split. "Attached?" She asked, like she couldn't believe it. "Sure, he feels some responsibility for me. It's like you said about being part wolf. I'm temporarily in his pack, so he has to watch out for me, whether he wants to or not. He feels obligated—instinct." Then there was silence. I heard the sound of sizzling eggs as clearly as I heard the sound of my sizzling heart. I decided I couldn't hear anymore and with all the energy I had left inside of me I pushed myself off the wall and climbed the stairs, being quiet this time because I couldn't let anyone know I was eaves-dropping.

When I got into the bathroom I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My black hair hung in my face and I had a certain wild look in my eyes. I looked away quickly, ashamed and afraid of the animal inside of me.

I removed my clothes in silence, locking the bathroom door. I stepped in the shower, gasping. The water I had left running was now ice cold. I was listening to Andrew and Chloe for longer than I thought. I let the cold water pound against my back. Chloe's laugh reverberated around my head. What did it mean? Was she disgusted? Was she was so bewildered by the fact that it shocked her into laughing? She couldn't even imagine herself with me; she must have laughed because it was so strange and unknown. Me and her? No way. Usually her laugh had made me happy, but now I felt it mocking me. _Derek seems very attached to you, Chloe_. _Derek is different, Chloe. Derek is ruled by instinct, Chloe. _I felt my brain become muddy and my eyes swam. I didn't understand this; I didn't understand how I felt towards Chloe. It was so different. I told myself that in reality, she was no different from anyone else. She was no different from any other girl. _But she was._

_I am an animal. _

I felt chilled to the bones, but the cold was no longer shocking to me. It just felt realistic.


End file.
